Fellow Wine Lovers,
Well, it didn’t take long for life to get back to normal did it?
One minute we’re fending off mince pies and glasses of Pedro Ximenez; it seems just moments later that we’re singing Auld Lang Syne and wondering where we left our Champagne glass and then, ka-boom, it’s the 3rd day of 2020 and Il Donaldo is trying to start World War III, which would definitely be the last in the trilogy, with little prospect of any of us making it through to the final credits. Thus he wished us all a very Happy New Year reminding us that it’s an election year and that the best distraction from domestic strife is a good dose of aggressive foreign policy – oorah!
Boris returned from channelling his inner Princess Margaret in Mustique – images of the tousled toff sporting a floaty kaftan and Bakelite cigarette holder were too much even for the most prying paparazzo it would seem – and he is back in the driving seat. By all accounts phone reception is terrible in that part of the West Indies so despite relevant vicinity of Mar-a-Lago, Donald was unable to let Boris know what he was up to in the Middle East…
Anyway Boris didn’t need such distractions since he has now got to ‘get Brexit done’ although I imagine he hasn’t a far more erudite way of expressing this. We await, with bated breath, the next stage in this drama – 31st January is the new date of significance for our diaries, I believe?
Yesterday the tabloids erupted in mutual despair, panic and vitriol at the announcement that a Ginger Prince and his wife, a successful actress, might want to live outside the bubble that is the British Royal Family. Instead they want to live in a different bubble, in Canada or Hollywood perhaps, and thus will be harder to pry on. Shameful. And this comes just weeks after the other Ginger Prince announced he was going to take ‘a breather to travel, write, and read. I’ll be off social media until it’s time to come back.’
Question – has anyone ever seen Prince Harry and Ed Sheeran in the same room at the same time? Just saying…
From a more local viewpoint, it’s January, it’s damp whilst people are trying to stay dry and the Coop is full of ‘fake beef’ burgers. Yep, it’s time for our annual Rantuary – a time for us to be incredulous at almost everything that’s going on in the world, to be disappointed and frustrated to the same degree as we are for the rest of the year but at least this month it has a nametag, it has a purpose and we might perhaps even blag someone to sponsor us!
We seem to have heard less about dry January thus far but we do seem to be hearing an awful lot more about not eating meat. Great for us – for a change, we purveyors of fine beverages are not getting it in the neck from the same journalists who couldn’t get enough fine beverage down their necks 10 days ago and instead it’s the cows and sheep who are feeling the sharp stick this month. Goats would be in trouble too, if anyone in England knowingly ate much of their meat but that’s a story for another time.
Anyway, the cows and sheep are still digesting too much and filling the world with methane, so we need to stop eating them. But just for a month? Surely if we don’t eat them, they’re far more likely to carry on producing methane… I know I’m being fatuous but what are we actually going to do with all these extra animals if we stop eating them? The world is already overpopulated, we’re told, and if we’re going to have to start fighting for a parking space at Sainsbury’s with Peppa Pig and Larry the Lamb, fighting for the last bag of sprouts and the last sliced loaf, where does that really leave us – perhaps I get the sprouts and Peppa eats Larry? How does that fit in with the not eating animals thing? Can cats still eat mice or do they now have to eat rice. No, they can’t because, we can’t eat rice. Rice paddy fields, manmade wetlands, methane producers extraordinaire – sadly I don’t think seaweed is a cure this time. So, we can’t eat meat and we can’t now eat rice. Let’s eat cheese? Oh no, can’t do that, long standing research from every ski resort ever indicates that excessive ingestion of Raclette and three cheese fondue can result in indigestion and a notable increase in gases that remind one of a greenhouse. And then I go home to my vegan supper of lentils and sweet potato and realise that it’s been cooked using fossil fuels and more significantly, as my wife cooked this, I have enslaved another animal to produce my food – by far the easiest part of Veganuary is not eating the meat!
So, with apologies, I am not going vegan or dry this month and, since Wayne has just said, in his wisdom, ‘Alex. Leave it!’ I will do just that – welcome to Rantuary!
Wayne’s wisdom doesn’t end here though of course. As he sagely pointed out to a customer who was threatening an abstemious month the other day, ‘we can cater very well for Dry January – we have dry whites, dry reds, dry Gin and even dried meat!’, at which point he rested his case and the customer left the shop….
With a potential sale lost, it was now up to him to come up with a mechanic that would jump start sales in this month leading up to the divorce from Europe. So, using the adage that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, he came up with this:
SIX BOTTLES OF WINE FOR THE PRICE OF FIVE!
Those of you with fabulous memories may recognise the fact that we may well have done this before, in 2012. And 2013. And 2014. And, well yes, every year since. But it works – it works for you, it works for us and, in a backhanded fashion, it works for the taxman who wants his cut at the end of the month too….
So don’t be slow, we’ve attached a list of what we have in stock for your perusal, the deal can be mixed too, so frankly, what are we all waiting for?
Tasting this weekend
To help you towards the half dozen we’ll open a couple of bottles of easy drinking Italians this weekend:
Madregale Bianco 2018 – £8.99 – We love the whites of Abruzzo and this is soft and fruity with a crisp dry finish – Chardonnay blended with Trebbiano make it all about richness without becoming too unctuous or overbearing. Would work a treat with smoked salmon, or chicken Caesar salad, and beyond food – a perfect aperitif!
Madregale Rosso 2018 – £8.99 – This blend of Montepulciano and Sangiovese is a prime example of the enormous strides forward that have been made in terms of quality and tastiness in Abruzzo. The soft earthy rusticity of the Montepulciano combines nicely with the slightly fresher, more elegant Sangiovese. Perhaps not a wine to ponder, it is pitch perfect with a tomato based pasta!
So that’s it from us – first email of the decade, only another 520 odd to write until 2030 – things can only get better!